dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
His nipple licking is glorious
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
