Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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