When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize