You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
