I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize