I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
