at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
