i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
