Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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