see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize