He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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