no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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