my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
