I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
