there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
