Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
