i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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