They should really pass out barf bags in church
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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