Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize