There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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