she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
