I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
