why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
