why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
