I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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