Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
