proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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