I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
