Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
are you so shy because you have an std?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know her cup size but not her name....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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