for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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