I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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