i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
