I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
