Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
