Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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