whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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