so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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