my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize