just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
