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• (619): View more from California

  I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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• (707): View more from California

  Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Internet Is back!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.

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• (315): View more from New York

  I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Your shirt... Was in my pants

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