Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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