I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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