Your dad touched me again.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
