I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
