I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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