So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
