Please, let me fuck your mom
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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