I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
