did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
