Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
