Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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