dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
