I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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