you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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