my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
