Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
