I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize