Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize