i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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