I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
