So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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