So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
