You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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