Screwed.edu
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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