All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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