the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
