Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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