I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
