Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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