did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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