STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
