I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
