I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
